old picture/new picture

[painting from 1982 (old picture), photo taken this week (new picture)]

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Back in 1982, I was in high school. I enjoyed art quite a bit, painting murals, and participating in the school's art club. The murals were directed by my art teacher, who was Artist-in-Residence for the city of Chicago at that time. We did Trompe l-oeil on the sides of buildings, the tallest of which five stories. That's a lot of scaffolding!

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For my own pleasure, I liked painting surrealistic images with acrylics. One Saturday afternoon I painted this picture while talking to my next door neighbor, window-to-window.

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She was sitting at the bottom of a staircase in her house, and I was in my own room. Chicago gangways are so narrow, you can stand in between and almost touch both houses at the same time. I don't remember how long it took to complete it, but the whole time, the neighbor girl sat very still, at the bottom of the stairs next door.

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I can't say for sure, but judging by how still she sat for me, I wonder if she thought I was painting a portrait of her. She was a pretty girl, and that might have made a good picture. But no, this is just your regular o'l run-of-the-mill flower pitcher with eyeballs.

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f.y.i.

To make the © symbol, hold [alt] and press 0129.

not cool

Man, some folks have so much class, it's just oozing out of their ears! This is the Orpheum theater in downtown St. Louis. These statues are wearing barely anything, so we have to call it art and say it's tasteful, right? Maybe yes, and maybe no. For me though, the air conditioning unit is such an eyesore, that it takes away any chance this place had at aesthetics. It gets hot inside, so what else are they do do? To cool, or not to cool, that is the question... Oh, what a tragedy!

teaching torso

Q: Hey, what do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who just hangs on the wall?

A: "Art."

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What do you see here? I see a man who considers himself big because he has an "open mind," but in reality, he just has a big hole in his head. As a result, he is not capable of doing anything (no hands) or going anywhere (no feet). It should serve as a warning to the passers-by in this plaza, but my guess is that the majority view the subject without discernment, and simply consider it "art." What we have here may not be a clarion call, but rather a subliminal challenge to think. "The mind is a terrible thing to waste."

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Artistic expressions are not exclusively aesthetic, though sometimes a person does a thing "just because." The artist has a worldview, and a careful observation allows us to get inside that person's head and see beyond the surface of their work.

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So, what do you say? Am I making any sense here, or do you think that it is really me who has a hole in the head?

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[2,000 lb bronze sculpture Torso di Ikaro by Artist Igor Mitoraj at the historic Old Post Office Plaza in downtown St. Louis.]

tin pj's

I am not a comic. I’m more like a stand-up philosopher. It may be hard for general audiences to distinguish the two, but my role is just a little lower on the social scale than the comic because no one in his right mind would pay money for stand-up philosophy. Still, I am acquainted with the inner workings of what makes something funny, and occasionally I will try to explain some of the rules for your edification.

The intended audience will kill a joke if they don’t get it and make someone explain it. They kill the funny person when he tells the truth and they think he’s making it up for effect. Such a thing happened to me; can you believe it?!!

Here’s the rule: If the speaker says something totally ridiculous or impossible, it's a joke. If the speaker says something that sounds unlikely, but it doesn’t make you burst out in laughter, it is probably not a joke; hold back the laugh.

Quiz: Suppose I say, “I wear a suit of armor for pajamas.”

Response: Obviously a joke; you must laugh.

I say, “Seriously.” (more laughter)

At a departmental breakfast, I said that I used to paint murals. They laughed. It was not meant to be funny. I felt like I had to make some quick phone calls and get proof faxed so that I can get the appropriate ooh’s and aah’s.

My former director and art teacher, Kathy Kozan is doing some fascinating work these days. I loved painting the hard-to-reach places, so the guys called me “Spider Man.” I wonder if she remembers me.