Thursday, March 22, 2007

parlez vous

Have you ever noticed that when somebody speaks to the visually impaired, the speaker tends to raise his voice? The same thing seems to happen when talking to someone who doesn’t understand your language very well. Or, when talking on the phone, do you ever use your hands to help you describe something that is difficult to explain?


We want to get our point across, but sometimes we do it the wrong way. Our point is missed, and all the effort that goes into compensation is wasted. The same problem occurs with friends and loved ones as we miscommunicate (spell check says that’s not a real word) our love for them, or misinterpret their love for us.


Llama Momma was talking about what fills you up, and it reminded me of Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. If you do not have this book, you are missing a real gem!


I suppose we bloggers have our own kind of love languages as well. Whether we comment, how we react to each other, the links on the sidebar, etc.


These are Dr. Chapman’s 5 love languages; do you know your primary love language?

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Physical Touch
  • Quality Time
  • Acts of Service
  • Receiving Gifts


Image source:


Halfmom said...

Quality time, without a doubt - what about you?

Llama Momma said...

Aw shucks. I'm feelin' the love.

Now, where do you think chocolate donuts fall on that list? Gifts? Acts of service? ;-)

spaghettipie said...

I'm a gifts and words girl, myself.
Hey, obviously there's a market for various versions of that book...maybe you should write a 5 Love Languages of Bloggers. Oh, and while you're at it - Chicken Soup for the Blogger's Soul.

L.L. Barkat said...

Words of affirmation, no doubt. (Hey, you're not developing a Love Hit List or something are you?)

And so, what is yours?

Pete Juvinall said...

Physical Touch; it's funny, we just had this conversation at home and I think we're going to go through that book together as a couple...

L.L. Barkat said...

Hey, thanks for the link to the painting over on Seedlings... except it went somewhere else in error. Want to repost it?

Craver Vii said...

Chapman says that we should be "filling the emotional love tanks" of children with each of these. I'm past 40, but I gotta wonder... Seriously, my primary love languages are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch, just like I listed it on the post.

Mrs. Craver's primary love language is tied (like mine), except that hers would be Quality Time and Acts of Service.

He introduces these in his book as something to improve marriages, and if you’re married, you should definitely start there, but its usefulness is limitless!!

By the way, this is the same author I refer to in a comment at LL's blog.

Unknown said...

Quality time, hugs, and chocolate-in that order.

My hubbies is service (housework-groan)

Craver Vii said...

Yes, nothing satisfies quite like chocolate, except for a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato, when the mutton is nice and lean… it’s so perky! But it is not one of the five love languages. Neither are donuts!

Eve, thank-you so much for commenting. Because of that, your coolness quotient just dropped exponentially. (Eeewww… you left a comment where??) Sorry.

Anyway, you gave me a neat idea. Considering that the five love languages are not only for receiving, but giving as well, which one are you least inclined to give? Or, which one is most out-of-character for you?

P.S. Eve, about Petra, do you prefer John Schlitt or Greg X Volz?

Shiloh Guy said...

If not "miscommunication," how about "decommunication" or "acommunication" or noncommunication?"

I'm words of affirmation and touch on the receiving side. The lovely wife is touch and quality time on her receiving side. (Gratefully we both have touch!) Unfortunately, I send acts of service which leaves her longing for quality time (because touch is already taken care of). I lack nothing because my dear wife is so affirming!!!


L.L. Barkat said...

You're kidding! I had no idea we were supposed to give any of these! (Hmmm... maybe this explains... no, couldn't be...)

Anonymous said...

Great comments here. I don't know my love language, but I 'spect its some combination of words, touch, and time. Service and gifts? Pshaw!

I wonder about Craver's comment on the love languages of blogging. How would these translate?

Words of Affirmation--sounds like links from within a post.

Physical Touch--sounds like comment threads where someone returns again and again to show they care.

Quality Time--um, I guess some implied demonstration that you read everything? Maybe just longevity?

Acts of Service--I'm working on that one! Free blogs for everyone with your own URL and [SLAP!] stopping with the self-promotion...

Receiving Gifts--Really I was just editing the legal terms of service today. Did I mention they're fr—[SLAP!]

Here's the lesson I've learned here today, folks: It's hard to love someone on a blog. And it's hard to trust motives from people who sometimes feel like nothing but a series of disconnected text boxes.

But it's darn fun trying.

Shiloh Guy said...


You have a wonderful sense of humor and are a genuinely nice guy who takes a ribbing good-naturedly, which is a wonderful trait to have (note my Pauline run-on sentence) so I hope we can get together with you next time we are on the other side of the lake.


Anonymous said...

I tend to like words of affirmation and quality time; and I would say that this are also how I love back. I've never actually taken the "test" though. There is a test, I'm assuming?

Llama Momma said...

Another neat trick? When you know what another's love language is, it helps you feel loved.

For example, besides the donuts, I'm a words of affirmation girl. My husband? Acts of service. Now, while I really do want him to give me a list of twenty reasons why he loves me, when he takes my mini-van and fills it up with gas, I've learned to feel the love. Because often we do for others what we want them to do for us.

So I tell my husband I love him and why...and when he comes home from a long week on the road, try to welcome him with a tidy home and homemade meal because for him, that says more than a thousand "I love you's."

Aw shucks. Now I feel like baking! :-)

Craver Vii said...

Mark, your comments really “ministered” to me, i.e. I was rolling on the floor, splitting a gut! “Hard to love someone on a blog?” I dunno; I think it’s good practice, but you’re right about one thing; “it’s darn fun trying!”

Shiloh Guy, that would be so cool!!!! Blogging Buddy Rule #274: If a blogging friend from out-of-state visits, there must be at least one picture posted in commemoration.

Charity, the more recent versions of those books include a quiz in the appendix. It’s about 30 questions long. I doubt it’s available without the book though.

LM, you feel like baking, huh? After Llama Poppa has dinner, I’ll be waiting for the phone call, inviting the Craver clan. Dial 555-…

Unknown said...

Mine are definately touch (hmmm, how does that work out for the single girl away from family - poor me ;) and words of affirmation.

So comments on the blog work just fine.

The Armchair Theologian said...

Man! I'm totally not sure if mine are on there at all!

Where does "eating popcorn and watching kung fu" fit in?

Or how about "sermon prep"?

Or "faspa and post church eating"?

or "free stuff that aren't gifts"? (Like when you buy some tires and the trainee goofball mistakenly doesn't charge you for new hubcaps?)

I'm totally not sure Chapman's got my number with this!

Unknown said...

I am sooo glad to belong to this group! I so fit in :) (no eeeww's about it).
Wahoo, another Petra fan!!
That's a tough question. I'm gonna hafta say John Schlitt-I was more of that era :)
But, I've been collecting any Petra I can find at yard sales and what not. (I listened to all the older stuff as well)
Marcus, you are Out Of This World, you Rock, you're On Fire! How's that for Praise? (We did the songFriends with our puppet band in youth group!)

My hubby and I have love languages that clash. He comes from a long line of loner-type of men who are silent, and I can't seem to master housework to the degree his love tank requires. We are determined to break the mold (or die trying *grin*)
Guess God will have to be the strength of our weaknesses.
Thanks for visiting-I'll be back....

Martin Stickland said...

You have got me thinking today Craver! "I SAID YOU HAVE GOT ME THINKING TODAY CRAVER!"

Have a great weekend!

Ted M. Gossard said...

Love language in life or in our blogging. I like that, Craver. Interesting. And certainly nonverbal, as well as verbal.

Ted M. Gossard said...

And the list of Dr. Chapman's, a great one.

Ester Wilson said...

i like the idea of "Love Language". That is really intriguing to me

Jennifer said...

llama momma - you discovered that trick too?! That's awesome! :) I love figuring out other peoples' love languages...because it's true. You do feel loved by their primary language.

Hmm, at any rate, I'm definitely physical touch. Then after that it's all a tie (and strongly what the other person's love language is - then that's the one I prefer from that person).

Good post, Craver!

Craver Vii said...

Wow Stacey, we have the same primary love languages; that’s cool. (I’m not sure of what to say after that.) Er… okay, now this is awkward. Moving right along…

Hey Armchair! I was so miserably sick last Monday, that my family called me down to watch Kung Fu, and I politely declined. I declined!!! That was just ridiculous! Popcorn and Kung Fu was probably the cure for that flu thing that was whoopin’ my tookus.

Eve, I have seen both singers in concert. I gravitate towards Schlitt, too. But still like the older stuff, like More Power to Ya. Their music was a great encouragement in ’86, when I was a new believer.

Martin, I’m American, not deaf. I heard you the first time. (Thanks for playing along with the bit.)

Ted, I saw your post about thinking biblically, and wanted to jump in, but at first I was swamped, then I forgot. I’m so sorry! I don’t even remember what I wanted to say, except that I felt like I wanted to participate in your conversation.

Ester, Good eye, nice artwork. I read your profile and don’t even know those movies or music. At first, I thought I wouldn’t have anything in common, but do you have a Japanese connection or just an interest in Japanese art? I have been to Tokyo and Osaka, and hope to visit again some day.

Hey, Miss Kissyface-with-the-book (Jennifer), I wonder what Luther’s love language might have been…

See ya Monday, folks. Blessings to you all.

Unknown said...

I was also greatly encouraged by Petra during my start with God! Neat.

Jonathan Moorhead said...

There is a quote out there about how no one will remember much of what you say, but how you make them feel. Man, this has manipulation written all over it, but I'm sure there is veracity in the psychology of it all.

Ester Wilson said...

no, haven't been to Japan, just have an interest in going. I've been thinking about learning Japanese if time permits me. Very cool that you've been to those cities...I'm truly jealous ;)

(I liked your guardian angel observation - nice thought!)