ant rant

Today's post is (ahem) "a contribution from a guest blogger." Enjoy.

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The day began like any other day. All I wanted, was to do my work, and mind my own business... and be left alone. Believe me; I am no adventurer. About mid-day, after a long climb up the peonies, we went right to work, trying to open up the big buds. Everything was right as rain until this frightening thing grabbed the stem and shook me off of my work station.

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Placing me on the sidewalk, he barked instructions to an equally horrific, but smaller creature. This smaller one pressed a long copper strand across my back, so that I could not run away. Oh, I dodged it a few times at first, but it was persistent, and eventually trapped me. The original beast fashioned a loop with that same type of strand, and fixed that between my thorax and abdomen. Curse those opposable thumbs!! I tried to wrestle out of the copper shackle, but all my effort was in vain.

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Next, it constructed a laboratory where I feared it might perform all manner of sadistic experiments on me. I have heard of these things from scout ants passing through from other colonies. We dismissed them as fables, but they tell of a glass disc that focuses the sun's energy into a destructive beam that causes the victims to burn and explode. I kid you not; that's what they said! Now, I found myself immobilized under what I could only presume to be one of these disc blasters.

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Faced with imminent annihilation, I was determined to go out boldly. Mustering up all of my intestinal fortitude, I would look this opponent straight on. Fixing all my eyes straight ahead, I would deny him the gratification of seeing any fear whatsoever. Then... there was a light, but it did not come from the glass disc. Instead, it came from a smaller device that was only slightly warm. While at first, I thought I was to be experimented on by an evil mastermind, now I realized that I was the prisoner of a witless moron. The poor thing evidently did not know how to operate the infamous disc blaster.

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At this point, you are probably wondering how I got away. That is the strangest component to my story, as I fully expected that my captor would squish me underfoot, or cover me with chocolate and eat me. More fables?? No, I truly believe these creatures are capable of such atrocities. But no... instead, it carried me from his laboratory, back atop the peonies, and loosed the wire from my midsection. I was free!! I was on the wrong flower bud, but I was free!

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I appreciate the opportunity to tell my story. Good day to you all.