During the rally, it is customary for one of the legislators to address our group. This year’s speaker said that of all the swarms of people who assemble at the state capitol, ours is the only one he knows of that does not come asking for something! We gather in front of the Lincoln Memorial and sing a couple songs, there is a brief meeting, then we disperse as each family goes to their rep and/or senator with a cherry pie. We are just trying to put a friendly face for them to associate with home schooling. We don’t go asking for allocation of funds, new laws or special treatment; we would be more than happy if they just leave us alone.
When I tell people we home school, I occasionally hear criticism about “sheltering” our kids. And yet, every year, we hear how well behaved our children are. They’re all “Yes Sir/no Sir, yes Ma’am/no Ma’am, I’ll get that door for you,” etc. Wouldn’t that count towards good socialization skills?
Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about Christian home schooling, until I got home and read the blog comments. Our new friend, the anonymous commenter, (who I have dubbed “Dorothy”) is probably not alone in feeling that some Christian home schoolers ostracize their brethren in the faith who do not do home schooling. The Bible doesn’t say how we should talk about public schools. Say what you want about the system, but God does have plenty to say about how His chosen people treat one another. I wonder if my excitement about a good thing comes across in an ugly manner? I hope not.
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26 comments:
I think you can be excited about a good thing like your success with homeschooling without putting down those who choose not to homeschool.
In my experience, the ugliness has come not from discussing the merits of homeschooling. It's come from the appalled look given to you when you talk about sending your child to public school, the tone of voice when asking why you would do such a thing, the tsk, tsking and the shaking of heads...
And hooray for Post Number 98!
*throws up some streamers in anticipation for the BIG ONE*
Craver -- I think is such a wonderful approach to making your issues known to your representatives. Who doesn't love cherry pie? And when the have so many people asking for so many things all the time, I'm sure they love just sitting down for a visit with some compassionate constituents. Bravo!
By the way, I'm on post number 92 myself. I was thinking about suggesting we race to 100 until I realized you had a head start!
I love the pie idea. But, of course, I'm all about the food! :-)
"Dorothy" is not alone. My guys are in preschool now, and headed to Kindergarten in the fall at our neighborhood public school.
In Christian circles, this can be a dividing issue. I've been left out of many conversations while the "homeschoolers" talk over my head about all of their "insider" activities.
A few weeks ago at small group, a couple without kids asked a homeschooling family why they choose to homeschool. Their response? "Oh, the kids that go to public school are so badly behaved. The homeschooled kids have mubh better manners." Excuse me? (My kids are very well-mannered and behaved in public -- it's just at home that they run around like wild indians!!)
And the "look." The "I can't believe you're sending your kids to public school" look.
And, I'm going to be honest, some of the strangest chidlren I've met are homeschooled. Saying "excuse me" and "sir" isn't necessarily "socialized" -- it's good manners.
I don't think you can make across the board statements about either group. There are good homeschooling families and not so good ones. I recently met a woman who was homeschooled, and at 23, is still taking high school math classes, trying to catch up. Her mom wasn't too organized and they had lots of "beach days."
I'm not trying to pick on homeschoolers. Really. I just wish homeschooling families would stop talking to me like I'm feeding my kids to the wolves...
I homeschool my kids-and I've public schooled as well.
We've chosen to finish their education by homeschooling.
It's a choice-but as all choices go, it is heavily followed by flack that well intentioned people throw at ya.
In this section of the world, the homeschoolers get a bit more dirt thrown at them-we're the odd man out.
I think the reason that we react so strongly to the topic of schooling (regardless of which angle we take) is that we all carry some baggage. And we've been hurt.
It's not fun to have others imply (whether they mean to or not) that we are negligent parents or worse.
I try (very hard :) to give the person I'm talking to the benefit of a doubt. They usually mean well, but don't understand. Many just want to know more about it.
With some people, I avoid the topic all together-if possible. I know that it will only mean bad news for me. Why cast your pearls before...uh,swine? (insert another nicer word here :)
Craver-in case you missed it, I celebrated my 100'th post...oh, some 5 posts ago-thought I'd rub it in *grin*
A poster in your "Clowning Around" comments said what I was thinking. Each child is different, each family is different. I mean, when you get down to it, don't we create our own little subcultures when we marry and start our own families? Talk about extremes, I'm from Texas, and my husband is from Michigan. We have definite ideas about what Thanksgiving should look like. :)
But within each family subculture, we make choices about what is best for us. We know our weaknesses and strengths spiritually, physically, mentally, educationally... There is just too much in the mix to come out of it and say everyone should do it a certain way.
PS. No, Craver, you haven't come across in an ugly manner...only as someone excited about something. :)
Blessings!
Part 1
I don’t think homeshoolers intentionally come across in an ugly manner, but as spaghetti pie mentioned ** the ugliness has come not from discussing the merits of homeschooling. It's come from the appalled look given to you when you talk about sending your child to public school, the tone of voice when asking why you would do such a thing, the tsk, tsking and the shaking of heads** it definitely comes across as condescending.
In my experience as well as llama momma’s **I've been left out of many conversations while the "homeschoolers" talk over my head about all of their "insider" activities.** The homeshooloers tend to build a clique. The kids too. I see it in youth group. The homeschoolers are all “connected” and it is very difficult for the public school kids to get into that clique. They don’t feel included, some actually feel discouraged about youth group. If the kids who attend the church don’t feel included, what happens to their unbelieving friends that they bring? It is a struggle.
Another quote that llama momma had to endure. (I have also felt this sentiment from homeschool moms)**"Oh, the kids that go to public school are so badly behaved. The homeschooled kids have much better manners.** Homeschool children are not the only well behaved, good mannered, intelligent children out there. There are many children out there with those same qualities. Some aren’t even Christians (GASP!) The public school doesn’t turn kids bad, lack of parental involvement and the child’s own personal bent plays a HUGE role. My children get commended on their good behavior and manners from teachers and staff at their school, it is part of our testimony and witness to what Christ is doing.
Part 2
Imagine, just REALLY imagine what would happen if the public schools were inundated, just flooded with Christian kids? What would happen, what changes to the world could that make? How would Jesus look at that? What kind of impact would all those Christian kids and parents (praying for, interacting with, building relationships with students and teachers) have on God’s Kingdom? Now that is a Great Commission! When we take our witness and testimony away from the world and hide it in a box for 18 years we miss a whole generation. I believe there is a study that suggests if a child doesn’t make a decision for Christ by junior high age the chances he/she will drop drastically. That is sad. The earlier we can reach these kids, not just our own, the better off all peoples will be. I truly believe that if the homeschooling families would return to the public school it could change the world.
Dorothy??
Craveman,
It seems the overwhelming consensus is that we can't make sweeping generalizations about how we choose to educate our kids. It is not for us to judge another's servant anyway. People have many reasons for the choices they make.
My last congregation was the largest church in a small town where the people still highly valued the opinion of "the preacher." I was regularly consulted about things at the schools by school board members, the superintendent, and teachers about things in the schools from elementary through high school. I did not seek it but I had a influential voice in things from curricula to sports to discipline. I never would have had that ministry opportunity if I had been homeschooling my boys.
"So," said some of the homeschoolers in my congregation, "you're willing to sacrifice your own children to have an influence in the community?" Talk about a false dilemma! Of course not! Why can't I be actively involved in my boys' education both at school and at home? Some of the things they heard in school needed to be "adjusted" at home.
(My eldest son had a little problem in 8th grade science. Aaron was a straight A student through high school. Throughout the semester I went over all his assignments with him and explained the creationist views while his textbook was purely evolutionary. On the final exam he refused to answer the questions about evolution and just wrote, "Evolution is a theory that cannot be supported by the scientific process." Of course the teacher called me to come in and meet with Aaron and him. He explained that he completely understood our position because he was a Christian creationist too but Aaron needed to show that he understood the curriculum. He almost begged us to let Aaron take an oral test on the material so he wouldn't have to fail him! I found the whole thing rather comical, actually.)
Not all people are equipped to homeschool. Some families in our congregation "homeschooled" by computer and TV. Some of their kids couldn't get a GED. Most (not all) dads never participated in the homeschooling process at all. For them it should have been called "momschooling."
On the other hand, I have seen a number of homeschooled kids make brilliant and rapid progress right on through college and save literally YEARS of wasted time. Some of the very BEST kids I have had as interns were homeschooled.
My wife struggled with brain tumors and cancer for 17 years before she died. I was pastoring a good-sized church. Some of the more radical homeschoolers seemed to think we were making excuses for "abandoning our parental responsibilities." Honestly, I don't think we were prime candidates for homeschooling!
Some of us live in communities where many of the teachers in our schools are solid Christians. That is the case where we live now, in greater Grand Rapids, MI. I'm still actively involved with my daughters' teachers in the middle school and the high school. I have been very impressed with their open Christian witness AT SCHOOL! One of their teachers is the wife of one of our elders.
My point is simply this: There is nothing wrong with the discussion but there is everything wrong with judging and criticizing the decisions that your brothers or sisters in Christ make about their children.
Cravester, sorry to take so much space. I guess this must be an issue for me too.
Hi Dorothy!
Dave
Eve's comment made me laugh because she said, "In this section of the world, the homeschoolers get a bit more dirt thrown at them-we're the odd man out." Eve, Illinois state legislators may not give as much opposition as other states, but every home schooler I know can tell stories about how family and friends have given them the third degree.
It’s tempting to react (to those family members) with a counterattack citing every bad story and stereotype I ever heard about the public school system, just so they know that I’m doing this for the benefit of my children. But how would that fit with the biblical mandate to love one another and what does the epistle of James say about the misuse of the tongue?
I do not share the opinion that some Christians say we should send our children (who are in their formative years) into a secular system because of their evangelistic influence. Personally, I think that’s a factor in why so many churched children do not make a smooth transition into adult fellowship in the Christian community. Am I saying that we should “shelter” our young children? You betcha!! As a husband and father, my primary responsibility for discipleship is my own home. It does not end there of course, but if I am not faithful in the little, why should I be trusted with much?
I was a public school teacher and ended up doing the unthinkable. I decided to home educate my kids. (This was unthinkable for me... I had this idea that homeschoolers were crazy isolationist people... just being honest).
So how'd it happen? Not for religious reasons. I agree with the idea that our kids can and should minister in the public school setting.
It happened because of what I knew about my best moments in p.s. teaching... the best moments were when I worked with small groups and offered customized learning. But the moments were few and far between (just being honest again). The sheer volume of students and the structure of the system precluded a consistent inclusion of these "best moments."
So here we are. And we take full advantage of the opportunity, studying Hebrew, Greek, Latin, Spanish, and all the regulars as well. That's a big advantage, if one wants to take it.
Is it all glory? No. My daughter scored off the charts high on every subject, except math calculation. It was off the charts low. And part of the problem is that she finds it hard to take my advice sometimes on how to increase her skills. And another part of the problem is that I sometimes have a hard time forcing her to do things she finds painful.
But I like that too. We have to find a way to deal with each other, to live and learn in each other's presence. And this is a kind of deep socialization (even for me!). We also share a rhythm of life, caring for our home and garden together. In this way, they get to participate in adult life through practice.
I don't want to shake my head about others; I just want them to know that they have a choice. And I agree with the commenters who talk about parental involvement in the p.s's. That's a choice too. We don't have to send our kids off to school and then hope the school does right by them. As a p.s. teacher, you can bet I always worked hard to accommodate the parents who took the time to speak to or write to me.
Sorry. I went long too. (You've still got that good humor around somewhere, haven't you, Craver? :)
Whoa! What a hot topic! This is something I have issues with too. I'm involved in a mom's group where two-thirds or more of the children are home-schooled. And like it or not this influences things in the group. Just the other day I was in a meeting with the leadership of the group and a suggestion was made to implement something that would benefit the homeschool kids and leave out our public school kids. When a public school mom pointed it out I joined in, probably with a little too much emotion. It's hard to accept things that seem unfair and schooling can be such a dividing line. I'm over it now, but I'm embarrassed at how much of a trigger this subject is for me.
Okay, so the biggest thing about school decisions and the answer I give that has no argument: what has God led your family to do? For us, it's public school and unless God leads us otherwise, it will continue to be. If you're making the decision to homeschool or not based on only your own preferences or because of peer pressure, then you're wrong. But if you're following God and submitting your decisions to him, then who's to argue that? And I hope that we can all say with assurance that our decision, whatever it may be, is based on prayer and discernment, following God's call on our lives.
Hello All!
I'm not one to read blogs nor post an answer. And I don't know what made me stop in today. I read about homeschooling and well . . .
Educating the children is a special interest of mine. I say this – pray for the Lord’s guidance that only He can give. Ask HIM on what HE would want you to do.
After much prayer and research, God convicted us into homeschooling. That was God’s doing, not ours. I truly do not feel that all Christians should homeschool because that’s the only way. I feel that the ONLY WAY is what GOD is calling you to do. So whether you are homeschooling or sending them to other private or public schools and you are truly seeking God's guidance, then it needs to be confirmed by our Heavenly Father through prayer.
Before we started homeschooling our children, I did my homework (no pun intended). I asked questions, did research through many different resources, went to the conventions, etc. The same goes for sending your child out to the schools. You need to do your research, ask questions, inspect the school, etc. There is a huge responsibility on the parent’s part whether you teach at home or send them out. Either way, we still need to teach them life skills, we need to give them a foundation that is grounded in God’s Word, and allow their hearts and minds to bloom and flourish! But most importantly, we need to continually pray for them. Homeschool or not, we are still responsible for the children that God has blessed us with.
My two-cents worth ~
Mrs. Craver
Hey, everybody. Heads up. Mark G. slipped out for the weekend, and there's a theme party brewing in his absence over on GoodWordEditing.
Just thought we could use a little levity to go with our deep thinking here.
Craver's question was not whether to home school or not but instead ** I wonder if my excitement about a good thing comes across in an ugly manner? ** How you school your children is up to you and God, but the way in which you respond and interact with people who don't do the same thing, don't agree with homeschooling, is the issue. More times than not the reaction I get about my choice of public school is, as Craver put it, ugly. So, if I am a fellow Christian and/or a fellow church member and I have been made to feel this way, (look above at Anonymous #1 and #2) how do home schoolers make the unbelievers feel? Welcomed by Christ or looked down on? I ask this truly and honestly, look at your own heart are you condescending to people who don't home school? Are you concious of your conversation while in "mixed" company. I can honestly say that I don't get all warm and fuzzy around home schoolers, I actually judge them too. In not such a positive light either. Is that right, NO! But it has come about by the way I, a sister in Christ, have been treated. My experience with most home schooling families has been a negative one. So I have learned to be tolerant, and ignore the comments and, as spaghetti pie stated, the tsk tsking. So, Craver, if you are asking the question does it come across in an ugly manner, yes it does, in my experince with the people I interact with. (I don't mean you personally of course, but instead in general. I couldn't know this about you personally through a blog.)
I liked Mrs. Craver’s unintentional pun. What a treat to have her drop in today!
Anonymous (Still Dorothy, right?) let’s commit to stamping out the ugly attitudes and misconceptions and each strive to increase the Christlikeness in ourselves a few notches. I will personally address my home school support group about this and challenge them to do the same.
Anonymous, for the sake of accountability, I would really appreciate one thing. If you are the one I’ve dubbed “Dorothy,” please sign that (or something else of your choosing) at the bottom of each of your comments.
Anybody want to cruise on over to the hijacking of Marcus’s blog? He shoulda never told us he was going away.
Craver - thank you for hosting this controversial conversation! I've learned a few things here today. And thank you, Mrs. Craver, for stopping by. It's always good to hear from you!
Now, off to Marcus' blog. I don't normally comment over there because I get all nervous about punctuation around him. But since he's not there, well, I really need to check it out.
I agree with LM. It's been interesting to read all of the comments and perspectives. I love a good blog discussion.
I tried to post to Mark's blog, but since I've never posted over there it's awaiting moderation...which I assume means it won't be up until he returns.
SO, as far as themes go it's National No Pants Day AND International Respect for Chickens Day. I'm not sure you really want to do something with the first one, but perhaps a chicken theme? :)
Craver
How do you do it? You post on clowns and a debate on homeschooling breaks out? That's talent, my friend.
Anonymous(Dorothy),
I have one child in private/Christian school and two home schooled. As a homeschooling parent, I know that there are many temptations for homeschooling parents. Among them -
Pride - "we've made the RIGHT choice...[by implication], we're better Christians, better parents"
In Homeschooling We Trust - Many put their trust in homeschooling rather than God, believing that homeschooling will produce better Christian kids [untainted by the world]
We Can Be Insular - Don't trust the world so let's not interact with it
Uncharitable Judgments [mostly unspoken] - of those who don't homeschool.
That said, home schooling is a wonderful means of grace to educate and train kids but I've seen messed up homeschool kids as well as outstanding homeschool kids. As far as I know, there's no verse in the Bible that promotes home schooling as superior. It's just a method - without God's grace, our efforts to homeschool are pretty meaningless. And the thing is, God can work in public schools too.
So, do be patient with those homeschooling parents who make you feel bad about not homeschooling and gently challenge their assumptions. They're just sinners like you and me. ;-)
If we ask God for help, He'll direct us to the right thing for each of our children.
Spaghettie Pie... check it out. I sneaked you in over at Mark's blog. And now you don't have to pay a cover charge either.
You know what is right Craver and I bet you are doing a fine job of teaching your kids.
Have a sooper dooper weekend!
I have friends who don't homeschool and a couple of them cause trouble for the ones who do. It's a shame there are people who can't leave others alone. I've never come across a homeschooler who was mean or out of line. They have always been very polite. I think there are more cliques in the nonhomeschoolers than there are in the homeschool realm.
Dorothy, try to interact with them next time. You'll see that they are friend not foe.
Hey Craver, didn't you just post about the calling? We should honor God in all that we do. No matter what we do in life, it is our calling to glorify and honor God. Wouldn't that also be considered our ministry? Raising our kids is a fulltime ministry.
Thanks for the input, Just Journaling. Good of you to drop in. I think your comments about ministry hit the bullseye!
I would take the "friend not foe" part one step farther. We set ouselves up for disappointment as long as we are looking for the other guy to do the right thing. Instead, let each one of us be a friend, not foe.
Wow! I can't believe you all bake cherry pies for your legislators! That's so cool! I think most people would be more inclined to throw them at them!
About homeschooling, I'll get back to you in about ten years:)
Craver-blog tip of the day here-If you don't want people to post anonymously, perhaps you could change your settings? :) Then they have to write a name.
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