Thursday, January 08, 2009

say hello

This post was out of line, as I picked on someone and it was not appreciated. I deleted the original post, but kept all of the comments for 'medicinal' purposes.

25 comments:

Stacy said...

I do love quirky people. I really do! I just wonder if they love us back. ha! I wonder what he would do if your quirk was to stand and wait for a response when you said hello to someone, or insist on books being put in your hand and not the desk? I think quirky people are OK with quirks until those quirks interfere with theirs.

Still, it's fun getting to know quirks of others. I eat one thing at a time, starting with my favorite thing. I don't think that interferes with anyone though. ;)

nAncY said...

"Should I stop initiating a common greeting?"

the answer is...yes, initiate an uncommon greeting.

change it up each time...something new.

stop and say his name...then say hey, how are ya doing? would you like to go for a cup of coffee?

or maybe, hey george,(or what ever his name is) look at this ga roooo vy photo i took yesterday!

well, you know...

try a new approach to get a different response.


you did ask

Anonymous said...

I would say quit talking to him. He may not be a talkative person.

Anonymous said...

Go for the headlock!

Craver Vii said...

Okay Stacy, but bad manners is not just quirky, it's downright uncivilized. I guess it's a little humorous that I, being a home-schooler, am so concerned with socialization.

An "uncommon greeting" you say? Well nAncY, wouldn't a headlock qualify for an uncommon greeting?

[Generally, I disapprove of anonymous comments, and would prefer if you used your initials or a pseudonym, but not total, unaccountable anonymity.]

Quit talking to him? For all intents and purposes, I already have. But when you're standing side by side, waiting for the next microwave in the break room, or crossing paths at the water fountain, it seems rude not to at least say hello. It's not that he doesn't hear. I make eye contact first.

All this talk of headlocks is really funny, because the environment is so overwhelmingly positive, that any suggestion of wrestling is shockingly out of character.

donsands said...

How about after you say Hello, then say, FOR HIM:

"Oh Hi Craver. How ya doin' bud. I have some more books for ya, and I'll bring them in and when you put your hand out, I'll drop 'em right on the table. Later!"

And then you say, FROM YOURSELF, "Later dude!"

mommanator said...

I think we are to turn the other cheek?
He obviously doesn't have Christ in his life. You CAN pray for him?
Maybe he was never taught manners or work social ethics and I bet if anyone can, you can teach him.
Ya know I might not respond appropriately if someone put their hand up at me?
I know about rude people for sure!
but we can always break em down little by little. Sorry I went on for so long??

Eve said...

Try for very uncommon. Might snap the person out of it.
Prayer might do wonders too ;)

Craver Vii said...

I appreciate the dialogue. Here's the thing. I hesitate to accuse him of "sinning" against me because I don't think he singles me out for an offense, but this is just his general way. I do not know the intention of his heart, only the outward actions.

If this was a willful personal attack, turning the other cheek would be my first option. After it persists, Matthew 18 kicks in, and I talk privately to him about it.

Part of my job (though it is not on my resume), is to be a kind of thermostat in the office. I am not passive about my environment. Instead, I choose to create the type of environment or mood that we enjoy coming to day after day. That sometimes means holding a door for someone, brewing a pot of Starbucks coffee that I brought from home, pictorial scavenger hunts, or organizing a Hawaiian shirt day on casual Friday... you get the picture, right? The role of culture keeper, if taken seriously, should also include curbing anti-social behavior. To that end, I expect that Sandman's idea will be the next one I use. I'll let you know how it goes. :-)

Craver Vii said...

Oh, since I referred to Matthew 18, let me expound just a bit:
Jesus explains (in verses 15-19) how to restore a right relationship with a brother who sins against me. Then (in verses 21-35) he teaches me how to forgive. Good stuff!

Mary said...

The lack of a return greeting to retail employees is a pet peeve. We'd greet guests, just get a glance back from them and then ignored (not ALL guests, obviously). It was not uncommon to hear one of us go up to a coworker and say "was I speaking in tongues just now?" or another bring up that it's possible we once again broke out a greeting in a foreign language. Or one I hate is when I'd say hello, and they'd respond "I'm just looking." So I'd simply reply "I'm just saying hello" (with a smile on my face). That'd usually catch them off guard.

So many retail horror stories. *shudder* It makes me wake up in a cold sweat. I cry randomly sometimes. They say there may not be a cure. I need retail therapy.

lime said...

the headlock is a tempting strategy...

Anonymous said...

Birds of a feather stick together

sarah hedman said...

I think the person that said "he obviously doesn't have Christ in his life" is self-righteous and obnoxious. How can she possibly know that?????? I happen to know who you are talking about and I know for a fact he has Christ in his life because I led him to the Lord when he was a small boy. I'm not saying he's perfect, but let's be gracious and compassionate instead of judging and critical. I can't believe you have a blog where you bash people that get on your nerves. is THAT Christ-like????? I am a devoted follower of Christ and I an nowhere near perfect, but all this seems REALLY absurd.

sarah hedman said...

FURTHERMORE, what if this guy DIDN"T know Christ or even had fallen away from his relationship with Christ? What if he is struggling, searching, trying to figure out if this faith is for him? Do you really think this blog would encourage him to want to be a Christian? Would it spur him on to greatness or make him say "see? Christians are hypocrites who think they are better than everybody else". Would it point him to Christ or just make him feel discouraged and slandered? I think you know the answer. and if you are going to slander someone, why would you point it out to them and tell them to read your blog? Just to add insult to injury? I really think you should've prayed about your response before you spouted off. If you really wanted him to change, maybe you could've tried talking to him about it in private like Scripture instructs us to do.

Craver Vii said...

Thanks for visiting, Sarah. To be fair, how can you possibly know that 'Mommanator' is "self righteous and obnoxious?" I'm guessing that I know her better than you do, and though I think she was mistaken about this gent, I would not characterize her the way you did.

I'm not sure what to make of your claims. I suppose it could be true that you know who I'm talking about, but I have purposely left out my co-worker's name and my place of employment. I even go by a pseudonym. There are only a handful who know those things. Let's keep it that way.

I'm sorry that my tone came across to you as bashing. I actually thought it was a funny situation, and greetings aside, I even like this guy. But just a little bit. ;-) The quirkiness and humor in this situation can be found as much in my reaction to him as the things I ranted over.

Again, I'm not accusing him of sinning per-se, just bugging me. I don't think that's a really big deal. Let's keep it light, folks.

donsands said...

"I am a devoted follower of Christ"

That's a blessing to be saved, and to follow Christ our Lord.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saves wretches like us.

Craver and Mommanator are very kind and gentle Christians. And the discussion we are having is quite godly and even normal. I would hope this person may come and read the discussion we're having. Perhaps it would convict him, and he would see how rude he is.

Christians are allowed to talk about situations, and people.

Just a couple pennies worth.

Anonymous said...

This is all pretty retarded...This "person" you are talking about is a heck of a person. In fact, he's one of the best I've ever known and this is coming from someone who's known him well, been confused by him and been hurt by his ups and downs. He has a hell of a heart for people and while its often tough to sometimes see, whether or not he says hello doesn't warrant judgement on his convictions or who he is as a person. People are who they are and all of us have irritable quirks but it doesn't warrant this type of mockery. While you claim its just for "fun"...I'm not gettin that vibe and agree with Sarah Hedman's comments.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who any of you people are, I was directed to this blog through an outside source. I think it is a ridiculous scenario that is taking up space, but obviously it has spurned some response.

From what I am seeing, the writer of the blog is annoyed with the coworker because of two reasons, a: he doesn't return the greeting and b: he plops the book down when he should place it in the writers hand.

Instead of handling these pet peeves in a civilized manner; ie-Talk to the guy about what bothers you!! You post a blog about how uncivilized this "one coworker" is. You state that you "hold him in contempt" and then contradict yourself by saying in a post that you even like him "a little bit". Also instead of talking, you go to him and tell him about the blog you posted and where it was at....so he could read the things you had to say. Why didn't you just tell him what it said instead of writing it for the world to see? That seems the more civilized thing to me.

You brag in a post that your job "though not on your resume" requires you to be a "thermostat" of the office. Did someone appoint this position to you, or do you feel you are just the person for the job?

Have you ever stopped to think about what this coworker may have going on in their life? Maybe this is someone who is fearful of saying hello and being trapped in a conversation. Maybe this person has many things on their mind and just wants to get to work and get it over with. Maybe this person just doesn't like you (I'm almost certain he shouldn't after this blog) and feels that he is not required to speak to you. When you work with someone you don't like, the civilized thing to do is ignore them, even if they are trying to be socially graceful.

As for the person stating he must not have Christ in his life...that is a basic, bunk answer that someone religious gives when someone else does not see things the same way as whatever particular religion is "right" at the moment.

Unrelated Observer!!!

sarah hedman said...

to the blogger I have to say that if it is such a light hearted and "funny" subject, then why is at someone else's expense. your blog's tone seemed very harsh. I feel like you're backing off now because you're feeling the pressure. The WHOLE POINT of what I'm saying is whether or not how you handled this situation was biblical and whether it would lead the subject of the blog and others around you to Christ. The answer is NO.
And to the person that said "christians are allowed to talk about situations and people": Actually, you're wrong. It's called slander and gossip and Jesus specifically said not to do it.

Craver Vii said...

Ouch. Sarah and Anonymous, the comments sting a bit, but I should probably leave them up.

I have this rule about what constitutes whether something is an acceptable type of horsing around or just plain mean. It's based on whether the subject of the jesting thinks it's funny.

Well, apparently he didn't. Thanks for being a friend to the aforementioned co-worker. I hope I can be as kind to him as well. When I see him next, I will need to ask his forgiveness.

Shalom.

Mary said...

Out of curiosity, I would be interested in knowing why such the fuss over the so called "bashing" of a person...but then the comments turn around and bash the one who posted this blog?

It doesn't take much for someone to turn around and do exactly why you are accusing Craver of doing it. I find it rather disturbing, as a Christian, to pump oneself up as devoted and such, rather than recognizing ourselves as the filthy rags we are, and then turn around and do the exact same thing we accuse someone else of doing. I think it's important to spend some real time in prayer before adding in comments that seem to be more emotion driven rather than Christ-led.

donsands said...

"And to the person that said "christians are allowed to talk about situations and people": Actually, you're wrong. It's called slander and gossip and Jesus specifically said not to do it."

This isn't slander and gossip. You seem to be fired up a little. Maybe you need to calm down.

I've learned over the years, the cruelest people, at times, can be those who try and correct the ones who are simply trying to live as a sinner saved by grace, as they discuss the things that go on in this world.

Hey Craver you can delete this comment if you think I'm too harsh here. I just needed to share my heart. (Actually I said a lot more, but deleted it.)

just journaling said...

Apparently, Craver felt he needed to apologize and ask for forgiveness because he felt that was the right thing to do. As far as we Christians are concerned, we need to and should be accountable to each other. I think maybe the conversation here with everyone's responses may have gone off course just a bit.

Anonymous and Sarah,
In some of this, I feel as though you're right but I also know that you are wrong in other areas. Now as far as Craver is concerned, Craver is a very strong believer and deeply loves the Lord. If you were to read his other posts, you'd find that out. Yes, we ALL make mistakes simply because we are all human, correct? Craver is no acception but then again, neither of us are. I feel that if you are going to confront Craver and those who responded, then you are to act Christ-like as well. You have judged harshly without asking any questions - just assumed. Wouldn't you call that wrong? I know that Craver has a good heart and much compassion. Maybe this post was not a good one, okay, but don't judge him solely on this one post. Read his past posts or come back and read his future ones. Our Lord is a God who gives MANY chances and forgives much, you should give him the same consideration before judging Craver and not coming back. Next time, just simply confront Craver, ask questions or email him. Just ask . . . confront with love . . . as Christ would do.

Mary,
You were somewhat harsh as well. If we are to act Christ-like then our attitudes with the ones we feel are harsh and bashing, should also be confronted with love and understanding.

My 2-cents worth, or in this case maybe 5-cents?

Mary said...

"Mary,
You were somewhat harsh as well. If we are to act Christ-like then our attitudes with the ones we feel are harsh and bashing, should also be confronted with love and understanding."

I ensure you that my response did not come out of harshness and I apologize I came across as such. And you are right, we are to hold each other accountable and our attitudes should reflect that. That really was my intent...to show that we can still confront how another is acting without resorting to certain levels. Christians should be disturbed by that because that is not the attitude we are supposed to have. We are to lower ourselves while exalting Christ alone. I am a mere filthy rag compared to Him...who am I to boast that I am anything greater?

Blessings.