degrees of learning

While attending a wedding, one of the guests talked about how he just returned from a trip to Hawaii. There, he came across some honeymooners and asked the man, "Have you ever asked her what makes her feel loved?" This couple was astonished that they had gotten married without investigating such an important piece of information. How many people have been married for years and still cannot answer that question?

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(The source escapes me now, but please forgive me that I do not give proper credit on account of a lapse in memory... but) I seem to recall a recent discussion about marriage, and someone left an impression on me about "studying" their spouse. When we go into a vocation, job, or hobby, we pour lots of time and effort into manuals or textbooks or whatever. For me, it could be fishing, theology, or photography. I have been married over 20 years. If I had given that kind of attention to studying my own wife... learning what makes her tick, asking her to tell me what she's thinking and how she feels about stuff... and then really listening, because I want to know... Man, I'd have the equivalent of several PhD's about her today!

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If you are married, here's what I want to say to you: Today's honeymooners may be having a wonderful time together, and I don't take any of that away from them. But marriage is not just a "long-term relationship," it's a "life-time covenant." If we practice continuing education, living for our mate and intentionally growing in our expertise... the result will be a level of maturity and intimacy that honeymooners could only wish for! Stuff of dreams, I tell you! Study your spouse.

cogitus ergo sum

SI HOC LEGERE SCIS NIMIUM ERUDITIONIS HABES . .