not fond of absence

Friends, I could use some help.  I know of two friends (both ladies), who have to deal with their husbands being away for work for days at a time, sometimes only being together on the weekends.  This is difficult, especially for one of them.  I was going to joke with her about how many times she has talked about being away from her husband.  Fortunately, I realized how insensitive that would be, so I checked my tongue.  How can they cope with their situation?  Here are some ideas that I think might help, but please give me your counsel before I begin suggesting these things.

Communicate when you can, even if it's only a brief text or email.  That meant a lot to me when I had to travel for work.  I know some guys live like worldly bachelors without accountability, but it helps a red-blooded man to stay on the straight and narrow with these messages to bolster his fidelity.

Exercise.  Sheesh, especially if you feel blue!  Release those endorphins!  You'll feel a lot better if you do.

Take advantage of that time to build special memories with your children, siblings or parents.  Do something special with them.  Give them a little extra attention.

Plan or do something special for your spouse.  When he gets back, he's not going to have to worry about doing this chore, or we might eat at a favorite restaurant to celebrate his return.  That will give you both something special to look forward to.  I think it's best that if you want to plan something, don't keep it a surprise.  You don't want to end up with conflicting schedules, right?

Well, that's all I've got.  What do you think?  What have you done and/or how would you cope?

degrees of learning

While attending a wedding, one of the guests talked about how he just returned from a trip to Hawaii. There, he came across some honeymooners and asked the man, "Have you ever asked her what makes her feel loved?" This couple was astonished that they had gotten married without investigating such an important piece of information. How many people have been married for years and still cannot answer that question?

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(The source escapes me now, but please forgive me that I do not give proper credit on account of a lapse in memory... but) I seem to recall a recent discussion about marriage, and someone left an impression on me about "studying" their spouse. When we go into a vocation, job, or hobby, we pour lots of time and effort into manuals or textbooks or whatever. For me, it could be fishing, theology, or photography. I have been married over 20 years. If I had given that kind of attention to studying my own wife... learning what makes her tick, asking her to tell me what she's thinking and how she feels about stuff... and then really listening, because I want to know... Man, I'd have the equivalent of several PhD's about her today!

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If you are married, here's what I want to say to you: Today's honeymooners may be having a wonderful time together, and I don't take any of that away from them. But marriage is not just a "long-term relationship," it's a "life-time covenant." If we practice continuing education, living for our mate and intentionally growing in our expertise... the result will be a level of maturity and intimacy that honeymooners could only wish for! Stuff of dreams, I tell you! Study your spouse.

twenty somethings

Twenty years is not a long time to be married. It's like they say: "Time flies when you're having fun." Mrs. Craver and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on Wednesday.

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The conversations with the men goes something like this: "Craver, I hope you remembered." I did. "Good."

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But the ladies ask about all the details. "Did you sprinkle flower petals all over the floor? Did you rent a yacht? Did you make a sappy poem and then cry as you read it to her?"

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Okay, nobody really said that, but I felt like some people were asking sensible questions, and others were projecting their own standards on my marriage. A couple times, I felt a little creeped out and intruded upon, but at the end of the day, I go home to my beloved.

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The big day. We were planning to go out for the evening, but had to change our plans. That's okay. I love her; she loves me, and after 20 years, we're still just getting started...