bird joke

Humor can be a little complicated for some to pull off. Sure, it looks easy when you see it on television, catch Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan on Youtube or listen to Bill Cosby LP's. This little Downy Woodpecker just does not get it.

.

Woodpecker: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Woodpecker: Knock knock.

Me: (sigh) Who's there?

Woodpecker: Knock knock...

.

Aaaargh!!! Little woodpecker, don't quit your day job! I don't know, maybe the little guy was confused because I was using flash under this tree. I don't usually use flash for birds, but the background was too bright... unlike Woody here, who was NOT too bright. I kid, of course. this was a very smart woodpecker. As woodpeckers go, he was probably in the bird division of Mensa. Knock knock...

pot o' gold

I wonder if you can help me with this whole "pot of gold" thing. The legend is that the leprechauns hide a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right? Okay, so I found the end of a rainbow. But before I dive into chilly waters and risk a reprimand from the park district... which end of the rainbow has the gold? Plus, is it any rainbow, or do leprechauns stay in Ireland? Please... if you have a leprechaun friend, try to get this information for me, so that we can abscond this legendary loot.

.

But if you can't help me with that, I'll be fine. This weekend's marriage conference reminded me that I received a gift from God 22 years ago. (That gift is the fine lady we refer to as "Mrs. Craver.") My wife and I had a great time these past three days, and when we got back to the kids Sunday afternoon, we all took a walk to the park.

.

The dog in the photo belongs to my sister-in-law. As you can see, she likes to "hug." To do that, she'll nuzzle up to a person, and lean on them hard, and stay there. I am not really a big lover of dogs, but when my s.i.l. needed a new home for her dear pet, I was happy to oblige as a way to demonstrate how much I care for Mrs. Craver's little sister. I think they said this dog is a Shepherd/Grayhound mix, and she is 15 years old. I'm glad that "old girl" is happy in our home. Speaking of German Shepherds...

.

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."

.

The first guy said, "No? Watch this."

.

So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and walked his Chihuahua into the bar.

.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here."

.

And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye dog."

.

The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?"

.

And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

aerial photography

another view from Scenic Overlook in Bolingbrook

One more from Scenic Overlook. Mind you, I wasn't actually flying. That only happens in my dreams. These pics were taken from my town's highest spot.

.

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"

The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"

wit and without

Few men can match the intellect and discernment of Dr. Erwin Lutzer. If you have never heard him speak, you are missing out; mmm... let me tell you! His books are well worth the read. One time I bought a whole case for giving away, they're that good! Seven Reasons Why You Can Trust The Bible was the topic of one of his talks. Man, if you like to hear a gifted speaker, you must catch this man on the radio. I have had the privilege of seeing him live more than once, and he never disappoints.

.

Okay, that's the "wit." What's the "without?" ...I am. Dr. Lutzer colored his speech with a couple of jokes, and though I tried, I just couldn't generate the enthusiastic guffaws he invoked at the live event. It was almost funnier that I messed up so badly, and that I kept looking for opportunities to retell the jokes, even after bombing repeatedly.

.

Here's one: He said "I'm from Moody church in Chicago. Show of hands: how many of you nave never been to Moody church? Well you know, you don't have to go to that church to get to heaven... but why take the chance?"

bugged

There were a few things bugging me this weekend. Not major issues, but man, little things can add up and feel overwhelming, can't they! Part of the problem, is in the way I chose to respond. My attitude was not right, and I LET these things get under my skin. Now, I didn't have a major blowout or anything like that, but on the inside, I felt like I was getting close to it. I want to be wise about the way I choose to respond to difficult situations...

.

Arcamax joke:

... like the little daschund whose owner took him along on an African safari. The dog started chasing butterflies and got lost. From a distance, a leopard saw the lost dog and began moving in for the kill. Scary, huh?

.

The dog was standing near a pile of bones, and thinking quickly, he turned away from the big cat as if he hadn't noticed, chomped on one of the bones and then smacked his lips as if he had just finished eating, then said, "Aaah, that was one tasty leopard, but I'm still hungry, I sure wish I could find one more!" The leopard heard this and made a fearful retreat.

.

Unfortunately, our story doesn't end there. A devious monkey saw and heard the whole thing. Laughing out loud, he told the daschund that he was going to find the leopard and exchange this information for protection. Of course, the leopard was furious when he learned that he had been fooled, so he let the monkey ride on his back as they set out to get revenge on the clever pooch.

.

Smelling the return of the monkey, the dog knew that a confrontation was imminent, but didn't let on that he knew they were near. Instead, he announced in a loud voice, "Where is that stupid monkey?! I sent him out over half-an-hour ago to fetch me another leopard!!"

dried fish

I'd like to post something, but my most recent photos haven't turned out so good and the creative juices ain't flowing. Like a fish out of water, I feel all dried up. Plus, a lot of my attention lately has gone to preparations for coaching this fall's soccer season. Our first practice is tonight!

.

Can I tell you what I'd really like to do right now? I wish I could just walk away from all of the busy-ness for a while, maybe walk to a nearby park and just sit. Maybe skim through the Psalms until I find something... just something.

.

For now, let me leave you with this little story I heard from Arcamax.

.

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

.

Crouching down to the child's level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

.

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

a laughing matter

You can improve your audience-responses by telling jokes and anecdotes to test subjects. As you can see, I successfully had these three listeners quacking up.

.

Some years ago, I received a strange greeting from a bank teller. This young lady was my best audience; she thought everything I said was absolutely hilarious. When I walked into my bank one day, she beckoned to the other tellers and announced that I was very funny, and that they should listen to me. All of the sudden, I had EVERYBODY'S attention! ...in a BANK!

.

(crickets chirping)

.

What the heck was I supposed to do?!! I think I smiled, and said "ta-daa!" And then everybody laughed and went back to work. Sheesh!

cornucopia

Speaking of cornycopia... Q) Why can't you take a turkey to church? A) Because they use such FOWL language

.

I hope your Thanksgiving plans are a success. When's the cutoff time for thawing a gobbler? I'm sure that time is long gone. Hey, a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

.

I'm going to take a little Thanksgiving break. In the meantime, would you please leave a brief comment, describing something for which you are thankful.

.

I'll start by saying that one of the most precious reasons for me to be thankful would be my dear wife. She's something else!

.

Cornucopia image by: His Daveness

Craver Couple image taken by a friend... with my new camera.

tin pj's

I am not a comic. I’m more like a stand-up philosopher. It may be hard for general audiences to distinguish the two, but my role is just a little lower on the social scale than the comic because no one in his right mind would pay money for stand-up philosophy. Still, I am acquainted with the inner workings of what makes something funny, and occasionally I will try to explain some of the rules for your edification.

The intended audience will kill a joke if they don’t get it and make someone explain it. They kill the funny person when he tells the truth and they think he’s making it up for effect. Such a thing happened to me; can you believe it?!!

Here’s the rule: If the speaker says something totally ridiculous or impossible, it's a joke. If the speaker says something that sounds unlikely, but it doesn’t make you burst out in laughter, it is probably not a joke; hold back the laugh.

Quiz: Suppose I say, “I wear a suit of armor for pajamas.”

Response: Obviously a joke; you must laugh.

I say, “Seriously.” (more laughter)

At a departmental breakfast, I said that I used to paint murals. They laughed. It was not meant to be funny. I felt like I had to make some quick phone calls and get proof faxed so that I can get the appropriate ooh’s and aah’s.

My former director and art teacher, Kathy Kozan is doing some fascinating work these days. I loved painting the hard-to-reach places, so the guys called me “Spider Man.” I wonder if she remembers me.