too hot

Something happened at the soccer fields last weekend, and I am not a first-hand eye witness, so take this with a grain of salt. I hope I do not misrepresent anyone in my retelling of the scenario. Saturday was "We Honor the Game" day in our town. All of the parents were encouraged to attend outdoor clinics from the Positive Coaching Alliance. It was hot. Very hot. My son and I would both have headaches before we could retreat to our comfy air-conditioned home. The weather was not the only thing hot, however. A small huddle formed in the parking lot, where a discussion was under way between people who were hot under the collar.

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Most parents on our sidelines do not create problems, but for the exceptions, it's easier to prevent out-of-control situations than respond to them. If someone is losing perspective, how can the other parents help reel them back in?

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I interviewed someone who was closer to the situation, and learned that there was an altercation between a set of parents and a coach. Long story short, the parents didn't like the way he coached the game, and the coach allegedly scolded somebody else's kid.

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I see two issues here that should be handled separately. I have been a soccer parent longer than I've been a coach. Telling which kid to stand where is one thing, but I completely understand how a parent would want to defend their child from a grown up, even their coach. I do not know what this man said to the child, but if the child any measure of harshness, it would have been more appropriate to defer such admonition to the child's God-given parents, since they were only a few yards away. Coaches should not vent their tempers on those children under their temporary care.

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If your child got barked (yelled) at, how would you handle it?

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The second issue has to do with coaching from the wrong sideline. It's a "back seat driver" kind of issue. None of these volunteer coaches deserves to get grief from those parents who did not sacrifice time and money, and their poor, aging bodies to be a coach.

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I literally have to bandage my knees three times a week so that I can control pain from bad knees. But I coach anyway, because I think it's worth it to be able to help these kids grow healthy. They benefit from the calisthenics plus good sportsmanship or life-lessons. Throw in a second-guessing critic and the mix gets sour. If the parent wants to coach, we could use more coaches and assistant coaches, but if a person is not a coach, they should cheer and encourage but they should not coach!

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The kids suffer from disruptive parents who react in a bad way. There must be a way to process our feelings without compromising dignity, a way that honors the game. When we think the coach makes a mistake, remember that he (or she) is dealing with a TEAM of players and they all are affected by our behavior. The only experts out there are the certified referees, and in our case, they're usually thirteen year-olds.

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Our capable soccer club board members will handle the real live situation, but I still think this would be a healthy thing to mull over in the blogosphere. Now that you've heard my own rant... What do you think?

raving lunatic

[First arrivals at Thursday's rainy practice.]

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What kind of soccer coach makes the 8 and 9 year-old kids practice in the pouring rain?! Um, that would be ME. Last Thursday, I sent an email to all the parents confirming our policy that says that the only thing that I'll cancel practice for is thunder and lightning. I fully realize that some parents want to coddle their children and shield them from the horrid danger of getting their clothes wet and possibly even muddy. Listen, playing in the rain is loads of fun! These kids (and their coaches) were entirely drenched within minutes, but we had a fantastic time running, kicking and splashing. All of my paperwork got drenched too, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

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We led Saturday's game 4-0. In soccer talk, that's a very lopsided match, so I called my son to me. He gave me this look of incredulity, because it was right in the middle of the third quarter.

Tie your shoes, Son.

Huh?

Untie your shoes and re-tie them

Wh--I don't understand...

Listen, we're winning big, and I don't want this other team to go home demoralized, so I need to take somebody off the field for a little bit and give them a chance to score against us. Now pretend you're fixing your shoes.

Done! Can I pleeeeeease get back in there now?

Yeah, go ahead... Billy!(name changed for blog) Come here, Buddy!...

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I repeated this procedure several times in the fourth quarter.

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So maybe some of the moms, thought I was crazy on Thursday, and a few of my players thought I was crazy at Saturday's game, but it's more than okay... we won AND we learned a couple of life-lessons along the way. They all went home with big smiles on their faces.

passing the time away

There were no soccer games for our club on Saturday. Instead, this busy Labor Day weekend gave me several events I could talk about. I might blab on and on about each and every one, but instead I will choose a single episode and leave the rest of the stories in their potential state for now.

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(I know I have a lot of "visiting" to catch up on as well, so please bear with me as I try to catch up.)

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The very first thing I did when I got home on Friday was "make dinner." The joke is in how the men in my family traditionally make dinner. We get pizza.

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I took the older son with me, and we had some time to kill while waiting for the 'za. I took the soccer ball out of the car and we just passed the ball to each other for a while. I have bad knees, and he has never shown great interest in sports, but that was definitely one of my favorite moments in a weekend full of good things.

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When he was little, I tried to get him into playing catch. One ball hit him in the face, and we never got to play like I always hoped we would. Here, while waiting for dinner, I found that we were playing a form of catch.

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It was everything I had hoped for. Just a father and son passing the ball. Nothing major. Nobody else was involved. The activity wasn't forced; we were both bonding naturally.

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With all the tasty food and celebrations these last few days, I would still say that this was the single greatest thing that I was involved with on this long holiday weekend.

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Thank you Heavenly Father, for special, bonding moments like these with my biological son, whom I love. Please Sir, I want more of the same. I pray that I might also have more quality time with you as your adopted son, and that you would continually draw me closer, making me who you want me to be. Amen.

hoppin' good times

The big news this weekend was soccer. The team my buddy and I coach, on which both of us have children who play... we won our first game!!! Unfortunately, we didn't take pictures.

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The rest of this weekend was crammed with all kinds of good stuff. Saturday afternoon, we went to a cookout at a friend's house. These guys really know how to throw a party. The mix of people was absolutely delightful. There were a few new faces from his family and neighbor friends... Loved it! After eating waaaay too much, and a season of friendly chatter, the siren song of their pond overcame any sense of social graces. I pulled the fishing tackle out of my van, and extended our party to the edge of the water. The fish barely nibbled. Mostly I just caught glares from the local frogs.

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One coworker tells me that the Asian way of eating is, how shall I call it? More "communal?" Everybody shares all the stuff in the middle of the table. I think I would prefer eating that way. If we did, I could have sampled a little of this, and a little of that, without feeling like I had to polish off a whole cheeseburger by myself between other savory morcels. The food was terrific. I'll say it again; this guy really knows how to throw a party!

Dad's phrase

There was one shining moment that occurred during the team's first soccer practice last night. That was when the last family showed up, and we had 100% attendance! I have all my forms signed and turned in. We are ready to roll... that's a beautiful thing!

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That is, by the way, a phrase my dad is noted for. When something turns out well, it is just like him to say, "That's a beautiful thing."

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That item in the photograph hangs in my cousin's tree. I do not know exactly what function it serves, but I'm pretty sure that it is either a whatchamacallit or a thingamajig. I liked the way it catches the light, and thought it would be a good object to capture with a large aperture. Of course, the reason I used it for today's post is because I was happy with how the picture turned out, and...that's a beautiful thing.

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(For those who were following the saga, the Craver residence finally has a refrigerator!)

dried fish

I'd like to post something, but my most recent photos haven't turned out so good and the creative juices ain't flowing. Like a fish out of water, I feel all dried up. Plus, a lot of my attention lately has gone to preparations for coaching this fall's soccer season. Our first practice is tonight!

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Can I tell you what I'd really like to do right now? I wish I could just walk away from all of the busy-ness for a while, maybe walk to a nearby park and just sit. Maybe skim through the Psalms until I find something... just something.

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For now, let me leave you with this little story I heard from Arcamax.

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A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

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He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

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Crouching down to the child's level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

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The boy replies, "Now we run!"

Sky Watch Friday!

a cut above

The distant sound of a lawnmower can be heard over the soccer fields. What?... Over the soccer fields?!! Yes, that's right, "over," as in "above!" It sounded like a lawn mower engine buzzing around up there, somewhere.

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There is an airport close by, and we frequently see small aircraft flying overhead. They are always interesting to watch, but this one was moving much slower than the others, and sounded different. If you look closely, you will see that there are TWO people up there, and they have nothing to shield them from wind, bugs, birds, high-flying soccer balls or alien space craft. (sigh) What a thrill that must be!

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What... no bag for the air clippings?

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Visit Tom to enter this week's Sky Watch Friday.

negative subjects

My wife and kids made Father's Day really special for me. This was the best one ever, and I hope to tell you more about that later. Mrs. Craver is so great! But it was not a perfect weekend; we suffered a couple of low points on Saturday.

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You may know that I serve as assistant coach on my son's soccer team. Sadly, one grown up argued with a ref, and I have to give him the news this week that the board of directors banned him from the field. I wish I could go back to Saturday morning and give him the Vulcan nerve pinch just in time so he would refrain from speaking instead of letting the situation escalate out of control. He's a big boy though, and I'm not his daddy. The fact that he cannot attend any more of his niece's games is a consequence that he brought upon himself. I must fully support the board here, because if the young ref was my own son, I wouldn't want a grown up giving him grief, either.

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Soapbox: We have offered several training classes for the families, and this uncle never went. People, if you're given the opportunity to go to one of these Positive Coaching Alliance trainings... GO! Be a part of it. Learn what youth sports is really about, and let's keep the environment fun for everyone.

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Then we went home, and one of the dogs killed two hamsters. My daughter cried so hard that day, and there's not really a whole lot we could do to console her, so we just held her and let her cry. I'm sure she will be just fine.

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Things got busy, as they do EVERY Saturday. The pain did not disappear, but it became less noticeable as we engaged ourselves in the rest of life. Father's Day came, and we all had a great time together from sunrise to sunset.

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Do you think you can identify any the flowers in the negative collage?

tooth paste

Our soccer practice began this way. On my mark, the kids each opened a trial sized tube of toothpaste. Then, they squeezed it ALL out, until it was completely empty. They thought that was the contest, but then I told them to switch partners.

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Their partner now took the seat, and wearing latex gloves, they had to put ALL the toothpaste BACK INTO THE TUBES!! It was hilarious! (Amazingly, they actually got SOME of it in, but not all.)

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I explained that, like the toothpaste, any words can easily come out of our mouths. Words that help or words that hurt, and everything in between. But once they are spoken, they are out there, and it's not so easy to take back a word we shouldn't have said.

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The point is to make sure we are wise, and only say nice things to each other.

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Then, we proceeded to run laps and do the rest of the games/drills as one of the soccer parents easily scooped up the mess.

dandelawns

Several people have posted pictures of dandelions. This is how I like to see them. I'm having a problem with clovers, too. I wish so badly that I could just start all over, because that is the only way I can possibly win the battle this year!

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But do you know what? I haven't mowed my lawn yet. Shame on me! I raked, overseeded, pulled weeds, sharpened the mower blade, but no cut yet. I hope I can do it Friday night.

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Part of my excuse is soccer... which I L.O.V.E!! We have soccer practice two nights a week and games on Saturdays, and that little bit, combined with the one-car-family downgrade, and a new school schedule for one of the kids, etc., I barely have time to sneeze, let alone groom the front lawn! My only solace in this hectic rat-race is tearing these nasty, evil weeds out of the earth.

goal

Our team played their first soccer match this weekend. It was a great time. They ran hard, followed instructions well, played fair, and smiled the whole game. All of those are higher goals for us than scoring against or beating the other team.

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(Today's note is a bit rushed... Sorry for that.)

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This photo is from last week's practice. I hope to collect some nice pictures for the whole team as a keepsake at the end of the season. (The boy with the green hooded pullover is my son.) This effect was done through Photobucket's editing program.

take two

This first picture came back looking so different from what I had in mind. I have never taken photography classes, but green on green on green... what was I thinking!

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I went back a week later sans camera and cased the same location for a better shot. I'm sure I looked like a fool, standing there without any equipment, staring at the statue, putting my hands up to frame the picture, leaning and squatting very low. I was surprised that it would be so difficult to get a decent snapshot of this guy.

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Two weeks later, I went to the same spot. This time, I had my camera. The picture was such an improvement in my own eyes, that I was happy to carry a print around with me and show a couple of photographer types. The way I told the story, you'd think this picture was the climax of a great adventure novel! But I listened, as they gave me constructive feedback, and as much as I like the second picture, there is still a lot of room for improvement, such as:

• One background... sky or bushes
• better use of depth-of-field
• use angle or photo-editor to remove lamp post
• don't shoot at noon for a better color of the sky, etc.

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Sometimes things don't turn out as expected. We can't think too much of our plans and just accept the fact that we are fallible. We learn, maybe improve, and then sometimes find that there is still more room for improvement.

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As I have been drawn more to prayer in recent times, I find that this lesson can overlap in that area, too. Admittedly, we do not pray as we ought. If God doesn't answer our prayers the way we first ask, we may need to rethink our conversations and take the time to reflect, asking if there is a better way. Stay teachable.

fan or foe

Do you see what these people are doing? After the kids' soccer match, win or lose, their grandparents, moms and dads, siblings, and other fans line up for the kids to run through the arched tunnel of cheering supporters. This happens immediately after shaking hands with the members of the opposing team. So I guess you could call them athletic supporters, right? I tease, but it's really a great thing they're doing for these kids.

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Not like the parents from Morris, Illinois who made an ugly scene in front of all the children because they didn't agree with a ref. (Click here for that story.) You know, in some cases our refs can be as young as eleven.

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You know what's scary? Think of how an animated sports fan is accustomed to yelling at his television screen. These eleven year old refs may know ten times more about the rules of the game than a hyper parent on the sidelines, but I imagine these grown ups can be very intimidating to our young refs.

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We grown ups need to decide what we want. Do we want to encourage our kids to enjoy the game and keep at it, or bark and growl and behave badly? I'll tell you what; I'm so glad that the overwhelming majority of the spectators at my son's games are there to foster a healthy, fun experience for all the kids.

Jai Hind

According to Wikipedia, "Jai Hind" is an Indian patriotic salutation that roughly translates, "Victory to India" or "Long live India."

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India won the world cup! (Cricket.) For the record, I am an American egomaniac who doesn't know the first thing about the game of cricket. When I heard they won the world cup, I assumed that it was talking about soccer or futbol. And most of my knowledge of THAT sport comes from my son's soccer club.

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Anyhoo, I was thinking about India and soccer, and it made me smile, because my son is blessed to know several people of Indian descent through church and through soccer. This picture shows a pregame goal kick with two of our soccer pals. The defender with his back to us is a very skillful player whom I have nicknamed "Superfoot." The gent in the white jersey is their coach. They bring their whole family to the games, including Mrs. Coach, the baby and Grandpa.

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When I was a their age, I did not know ANY people from India. For much of my younger years, we only knew two cultures, caucasian and hispanic. Chicago may have all the nations of the world represented in the city, but it is still quite segregated.

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That's why I love the town where I live now. You pass a Bolingbrook church parking lot or walk through a supermarket, and you will find many cross-cultural friendships.

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This reminds me, a bigot once warned me not to let my oldest daughter date black (African) people. "What if they have children?" was supposed to be the convincing factor. But whether a child has an homogeneous or mixed lineage, are not ALL children beautiful?! Besides, mixed backgrounds produce some of the most amazing skin tones and features!

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Am I talking too much? Okay, I'll wrap it up now.

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What I meant to say was that I am grateful to be able to enjoy my friends with Indian roots. God bless you, and congratulations on that cricket thing. Jai Hind!

mutant soccer

I am so proud of my gifted children. Here is a picture one of my sons (he's near the middle, facing the camera) and his Mutant X-team playing soccer. They're all telekinetics, so they move the ball around, using nothing but the force of their thoughts. Neat, huh?

scrimmage

It was the sports event of the... well, it was an event anyway. S2's soccer team (8&9 yr-olds) played against their parents. It was so unfair. Our goal was barely 6 feet (2m) across, and theirs was more like 20 feet (6m). These guys have so much energy, and they have the benefit of practicing as a team.

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When I got there from work, the game was already in progress, and the parents were losing 4 to 2. I announced that if the kids won, they would be grounded.

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My son and I joined the game, and each of us was goalies. His team rotated, but the parents kept the same positions. That was a blessing for me, because I have terrible knee problems, and goal tending does less harm to me than running. But I still got up sore this morning.

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We all played hard and had tons of fun. Saturday will be their last game of the season. I will miss watching the kids at practice and games every week. They are not only getting good exercise, but we received special training through the Positive Coaching Alliance, and that gives the sport a much more enjoyable atmosphere.

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Mrs. Craver and I were able to make friends with some new people. I even saw a fellow blogger on the field once. His wife recognized me from the picture. I felt famous, it put me on cloud nine!

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I won't be near a computer today and through most of the weekend, but I'll check in when I get a chance. I wouldn't mind seeing yesterday's book burning dialog continued. Play nice and have fun. As long as you do, we all win in the end.

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For those who must know the score, I think we tied, it was hard to know for sure, because at the practice field, we use cones instead of a net. But someone else said the final score was 7-6 in favor of the parents. I will celebrate with ibuprofen. The parents versus kids soccer scrimmage.

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Image by Jaki Good